This essay topic was seen in a recent IELTS test in the UAE.
People in many countries are spending more and more time away from their families.
Why is this happening? How does this affect people and their families?
Sample Band 8 Essay
The trend of individuals spending significantly less time with their families has become increasingly widespread and pronounced. I believe that this is mainly driven by career and academic endeavours and it has significant negative repercussions for both families and individuals.
One of the primary reasons for this phenomenon is the demanding and competitive nature of our modern professional lives. Due to this people find themselves working longer hours, to satisfy the requirements of their superiors and get ahead in their careers. In addition, the technology of today has made it possible to stay connected 24/7, and this often blurs the lines between work and personal life, leading to extended work hours. The ease of international travel for work and study has also significantly contributed to more people spending less time with their families. With the rise of global job and study opportunities, many relocate to different countries. For instance, the pursuit of higher education often requires studying in distant locations, causing young adults to spend years away from their families.
This increasing separation from family has profound negative effects on both individuals and families. On a personal level, a long absence from family can lead to feelings of isolation and stress, especially for young students who have never been away from home before. In terms of how this trend affects families, especially those with young children, lack of contact with a family member can impact emotional bonding and family dynamics. In the long run this could potentially cause a sense of detachment between certain family members that could be difficult to repair.
In conclusion, the growing trend of spending time away from family is driven by mainly professional and educational commitments. While this trend offers opportunities for professional growth and development, it challenges the traditional family structure and the emotional well-being of those separated from their loved ones.
Teacher’s feedback:
Overall, the essay is a good example of a Band 8 work.
Task Response: Band 8
The writer fully addresses the question, presenting a clear position throughout the response. He/she develops the argument with relevant, extended examples, such as the impact of global job and study opportunities on family time. The inclusion of specific examples, like the pursuit of higher education requiring relocation, enhances the argument by showing real-world implications of the trend.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The essay is well-organized, with clear progression of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is sophisticated, effectively managing the relationship between sentences and paragraphs. For example, transitions like “In addition” and “For instance” smoothly guide the reader through the argument, enhancing the logical flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource: Band 8
The vocabulary is varied and appropriately used, with some less common words and phrases that are employed accurately. Terms such as “profound negative effects,” “emotional bonding,” and “sense of detachment” are used effectively to convey precise meanings. The essay demonstrates flexibility in language use without compromising clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
The essay showcases a wide range of sentence structures, from simple to complex, with accurate use of grammar. The correct use of complex grammatical constructions, such as conditional sentences and relative clauses, contributes to the overall clarity and sophistication of the writing.
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