IELTS Essay, topic: Should students travel?

Some people think that students who don’t take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students who travel and work after high school before further continuing their education. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, in our competitive world, to succeed, knowledge from school and university is not enough. Therefore, students who study from the school to university get fewer benefits and contribute less too, compared to those who travel or work and get experience and skills . There are two following reasons to support for my opinion. I refer to the group of people who study from school to university as ‘group A’ and the other group – as ‘group B’.

Firstly, at school and university, what group A gains is almost entirely theory, theory and theory. Of course, theory is very , however, you can’t do everything with just theory. You must have experience. This is what group A . Although in the third or fourth year at university, group A can be apprentices in some companies, to help them approach their future jobs, they aren’t trained well because of the short time spent working. And the real job is still very strange to them. After graduating, without experience, group A students can’t accomplish their work perfectly. On the other hand, it takes them time and money to keep up with other experienced students and they may be scorned. Therefore, group A students can contribute less than group B who have the two most important things: skills and experience.

Secondly, as group A students are contributing less, they surely get less benefit. Moreover, many companies which employ people in group A have to train them from ground-up. These companies take this cost from group A’s salary to reduce the risk of their employees leaving to other companies after being trained. So, less benefits are unavoidable and certain, group B members are more loyal and effective workers. They also have useful experience and skills. Besides, their education is the same as or even higher than that of group A. As the result, group B gets more benefits absolutely.

In conclusion, I think a student should travel or work before going to the university. That way, not only will they have basic knowledge but also skills and experience which are useful for them to get a good job and have a brilliant future.

This essay is too long (350 words instead of 250). To fight this problem, try to write in a more general form and provide fewer details. The use of language and ideas are good and so is the essay structure. Seems worthy of Band 7.