IELTS essay, topic: More people move away from their friends and families for work (advantages/disadvantages)
This essay topic was seen in a recent IELTS test in India.
Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Band 8 Essay
In recent years, an increasing number of people have chosen to relocate away from their friends and families for employment opportunities. Driven by globalisation and the pursuit of career advancement, the decision to move away has a high potential for professional growth, a benefit that often comes at the expense of family ties. I believe that on balance, the advantages of such a move outweigh the disadvantages.
One of the primary attractions of relocating for work is the potential for career advancement. Major cities in one’s own country and abroad often offer a wealth of job opportunities, better salaries, and a chance to work with leading companies. For example, a software engineer moving from a small town to a tech hub like Silicon Valley might gain access to cutting-edge projects and substantial career growth. This enhanced professional landscape can lead to greater job satisfaction and long-term financial stability. Another positive aspect of living in a new city or country is the exposure to diverse cultures, ideas, and lifestyles, promoting personal growth and adaptability. Moving away can cultivate a sense of independence and resilience, as being in a new environment challenges individuals to become more self-reliant and resourceful.
However, such relocations are likely to cause a strain on personal relationships, as physical distance makes it difficult to maintain close ties with family and friends. This separation can result in feelings of loneliness and homesickness, affecting one’s mental well-being. For example, an expatriate living far from home might miss important family events, leading to a sense of isolation and disconnection. The absence of a local support network can exacerbate feelings of stress and anxiety, particularly in times of personal or professional crisis.
In conclusion, while moving away from friends and family for work involves some sacrifices, particularly in maintaining personal relationships, I find the advantages related to career advancement, personal growth, and independence more compelling.
Teacher’s comment:
This is a good example of a Band 8 essay.
Task Response: Band 8
Your essay effectively addresses the task prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of relocating for work. It presents a clear introduction, discusses the advantages in one paragraph and the disadvantages in the next, and concludes with a balanced viewpoint. Your personal opinion is clearly stated and well-supported throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The structure of your essay is clear, using paragraphs appropriately for the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion. Within paragraphs, ideas are logically developed, and appropriate linking words and phrases are used to connect sentences and ideas. This helps create a smooth flow of information throughout the essay, making it easy to follow.
Lexical Resource: Band 8
You’ve demonstrated a strong range of vocabulary. There were no significant issues with word choice or repetition. Well done for using words such as:
“relocate” – to describe the act of moving to a new place for work
“globalization” – to discuss the broader context of why people move for work
“self-reliant” and “resourceful” – to highlight the personal growth aspect
“exacerbate” – to describe the intensifying of feelings of stress and anxiety
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
Overall, the essay shows strong grammatical control. A variety of sentence structures is used effectively. There are only minor grammatical errors, such as slight article or preposition misuse – for example, ensuring correct article usage such as “the enhanced professional landscape” rather than “this enhanced professional landscape.” This does not detract from the overall clarity and readability of the essay.
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