IELTS Writing Samples

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries the discussion about financial education getting more serious due to financial problems of young generation. Some people that financial education should be considered a mandatory subject at school.

The common problem for those young people is that they don’t know how to spend money in right way. As we can see many advertisements often carry out the message, “Only 10 dollars a week, no deposits” which is misleading think that living in debt is normal. Financial education is one of the solutions for . The basic idea of financial education as a core school subject is to teach those young ones to understand the concept of using money and to estimate a risk of borrowing money to buy something in the future.

However, another factor we need . In my opinion, the role of financial education is getting more important and it should be a part of the school program but the parents are also important and have responsibility to how to manage the money. More than 70% of young people’s money is from their parents. In addition, it has to be considered that a student might become person, talking about money all the time in class or even in a public place. It can be harmful for some students and affect their normal social life.

In conclusion, I that financial education will have a positive effect on all young ones and other such social commutations should be considered just as important as financial education.

This essay needs work. It covers the task and presents enough arguments for and against, the structure on the essay level is fine. However there are many poorly structured sentences, many inappropriate expressions and many grammatical errors (see comments underlined in blue for more details). Overall, this looks like a band 6 – 6.5 essay.

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The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise age limit for the younger drivers and to lower age limit for the aged ones. Do you agree?

With the rapid increase in the number of vehicles on the with hush and rush lifestyles of drivers today, traffic accidents seem to be escalating in our society. partly to number of traffic accidents but surely not as the main factor.

Those who agree with would view young drivers assuming under 18 years old and older drivers to be reckless and therefore would be more prone to traffic accidents on the road. Lack of experience, forgetfulness, carelessness and poor fitness condition may be reasons for limiting age of drivers.

On the other hand, I would think that age is only a small determinant and we need to look at more effective measure such as reducing number of vehicles on the road through car pool, implementing more stringent regulations on alcohol drink driving and possibly to revise on the standard of driving test for young and old drivers on the road. Many drivers who are stuck in traffic jams also have busy lifestyles and therefore tend to become very stressed or distracted on the road. Thus I would think the government may have to look ways to improve road infrastructure and traffic jams to deter or reduce accidents on the road.

To sum up, age is only one of the many contributors for accidents but I do not agree that age for the elderly and raising age limit for the younger drivers is the best method. As mentioned in my third paragraph, we need to look at other more effective measures which deal with the underlying problems in the society which lead to traffic accidents.

This essay needs some work. You should present two sides of the argument, for example “those in favor of X, say …” – ” those against Y point out that …” and leave your own opinion for the conclusion paragraph. Stating your opinion all over the essay is harming its structure. See comments (underlined in blue) for more suggestions for improvement. Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

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