IELTS Essays – Band 8

Essay Question

It is the schools’ responsibility to teach students good behaviour in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Band 8 Answer

Schools are the cornerstone of almost every society, shaping the future of students by providing formal education. As young people spend the majority of their time in school, this raises the question of whether schools should also be responsible for instilling good behaviour in pupils. In my view, this should be a role just as essential as teaching academic subjects.

Since schools are often the primary environment where children interact with peers and adults outside their family, this setting is ideal for learning social norms and appropriate behaviour. Teachers are optimal role models who can demonstrate and reinforce positive behaviour through their interactions and the classroom atmosphere they create. A holistic development approach that integrates lessons on respect, empathy, and cooperation into daily activities can benefit students as well as the society in which they live.

Unsurprisingly, academic knowledge alone is insufficient for success in life and good behaviour, discipline, responsibility, and teamwork are essential for personal and professional achievements. Schools have the infrastructure to implement structured programs that address behavioural education. For instance, activities like group projects and extracurricular clubs encourage students to practice good behaviour in collaborative settings, preparing them for real-world challenges.

However, the role of parents and the wider community in teaching good behaviour should not be discounted. While schools can provide a foundation, the reinforcement of these values at home and in social settings is just as essential. This makes the partnership between schools, parents, and communities imperative for creating a consistent and supportive environment where students can learn and apply good behaviour.

In conclusion, schools have a significant responsibility in teaching students good behaviour alongside formal education. This dual function not only prepares students academically but also equips them with the necessary social skills for success in many aspects of life.

Teacher’s feedback:

Overall, your essay is a good example of IELTS Band 8 level.

Task Response: Band 8
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by arguing that schools should play a significant role in teaching good behaviour alongside formal education. You provide a balanced view by acknowledging the roles of both schools and parents in this process. Examples and explanations are relevant and support your argument well.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
Your essay has a clear structure that guides the reader through your argument. There is a logical progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion. You effectively use cohesive devices such as “since,” “however,” “unsurprisingly” and “in conclusion” to connect ideas and enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource: Band 8
Your vocabulary is varied and used appropriately to express ideas clearly. Terms like “holistic development,” “structured programs,” and “reinforcement of values” are used effectively to discuss behavioural education. Phrases such as “dual function,” “social skills,” and “real-world challenges” contribute to a precise expression of ideas related to the topic.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
Your essay shows a good command of grammatical structures. Sentences are generally well-constructed and contribute to the clarity and coherence of your argument. I was particularly impressed with this complex sentence “A holistic development approach that integrates lessons on respect, empathy, and cooperation into daily activities can benefit students”.

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This essay topic was seen in recent IELTS test in Italy.

Many criminals commit more crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

The problem of reoffending following the release of criminals from correctional facilities is likely caused by insufficient rehabilitation programmes and the negative perception of ex-offenders in society. Improving jail rehabilitation programmes and lowering stigma through legal changes can be potentially effective solutions.

At the root of recidivism lies the lack of comprehensive rehabilitation in prisons. Many facilities emphasise punishment over rehabilitation, failing to address the primary causes that drive individuals to crime. For example, offenders with poor mental health or substance abuse problems often receive insufficient treatment, which leads to high reoffending rates upon release. Similarly, offenders who committed crimes out of desperation stemming from living in abject poverty are likely to turn to crime again in order to survive. Moreover, the stigma attached to having a criminal record complicates reintegration. It diminishes their chances of obtaining stable employment and social acceptance, thus pushing them back into criminal activities.

Effective reduction of recidivism requires prisons to enhance rehabilitation programmes, incorporating mental health services, substance abuse treatment, and vocational training to improve employability. The duration of most sentences convicts are serving is of sufficient length to allow rectification of the issues that originally led them to crime, provided that prisons have expert-led and sufficiently funded programmes in place. Additionally, societal efforts to reduce the stigma associated with past criminals are crucial. This includes legal reforms to protect the rights of ex-offenders and public awareness campaigns to change societal perceptions. The success of countries like Sweden, with a focus on rehabilitation and low recidivism rates, demonstrates the effectiveness of this approach.

In conclusion, tackling recidivism effectively necessitates a holistic approach that includes better rehabilitation within prisons and proactive societal measures to reduce stigma. This combination can significantly enhance public safety and reduce crime rates by facilitating the successful reintegration of ex-offenders.

Teacher’s feedback:

This essay has all the prerequisites of Band 8 level writing.

Task Response: Band 8
You addressed the task comprehensively, providing a clear explanation of the causes and solutions for recidivism. The essay includes specific examples and a detailed discussion of both components of the prompt. Your conclusion succinctly reinforces your argument, demonstrating a full understanding of the task requirements.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
Your vocabulary is varied and contextually appropriate, showing a good range of lexical resource. Terms like “comprehensive rehabilitation,” “societal perceptions,” “public awareness campaigns,” and “rectification of issues” are used accurately and enhance the quality of the discussion. You effectively avoid redundancy and demonstrate the ability to use complex vocabulary to discuss specific ideas clearly and precisely.

Lexical Resource: Band 8
There is a good range of vocabulary used, including terms specific to the topic (habitat destruction, ecological balance, greenhouse gas emissions). The language is generally precise, and the writers uses varied and complex sentence structures.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
The essay showcases a wide range of grammatical structures with a high level of accuracy. Sentences are complex but clear, with appropriate use of punctuation and coordination. For example, your use of clauses and commas in sentences like “Many facilities emphasise punishment over rehabilitation, failing to address the primary causes that drive individuals to crime” demonstrates both complexity and control.

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