Last Updated: 21 July 2024
This essay topic was seen in a recent IELTS tests in India and Nepal.
More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. Why is this happening? What measures can be taken to reverse this trend?
Sample Band 8 Essay
An alarming number of people today consume sugar-based drinks, whether it is in the form of soda, energy drinks or fruit drinks. Often consumers are lured by their widespread availability and convenience, however, marketing campaigns also play a role, targeting young people and giving them the perception that sugary drinks are not as unhealthy as they actually are.
The availability of these types of drinks has greatly increased over time. They can now be found in almost any store or restaurant, which makes them easily accessible to almost anyone. The fact that they are often cheaper than alternatives, such as water or freshly squeezed juice, makes them an especially attractive option for those on a budget. Marketing campaigns for sugary beverages have been quite successful in creating positive associations attached to these products through advertisements on TV and billboards. This encourages people to consider them fun rather than unhealthy and normalises them within society.
Luckily, reversing the rise in popularity of sugary drinks is still possible, if we act now and attack the problem from different angles. One of the very first steps should be educating people on the health risks associated with high sugar intake so that they can make better-informed decisions when selecting what type of beverage they consume. Companies should also be held accountable by law for their misleading marketing campaigns aimed at children and teenagers who are more likely to believe the false claims about their products’ health benefits without fully understanding what’s being sold to them. Schools, colleges and universities, and any institutions catering for young people, should consider banning sugary drinks and replacing them with refreshing alternatives without added sugar.
Overall, it is important that we recognise the potential health risks posed by consuming too much sugar from soft drinks and take actionable steps towards reversing this trend in order to ensure our long-term wellbeing. Through greater education, government regulation, and increased corporate responsibility we can ensure that more people understand why reducing their intake of sugary beverages is important while still allowing them to access enjoyable yet healthier options.
Teacher’s feedback:
Overall, your essay is a good example of IELTS Band 8 level.
Task Response: Band 8
Your essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing the reasons for the increased consumption of sugar-based drinks and suggesting measures to reverse this trend. Clear, relevant examples are provided to support the main points, and the conclusion effectively summarises the arguments and reinforces the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
Your essay is well-organised, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. There is a logical progression of ideas with effective use of cohesive devices, and each paragraph has a clear central idea, contributing to the overall coherence. You are using referencing and substitution effectively, for example, “Often consumers are lured by their widespread availability and convenience…” where “their” refers to “sugar-based drinks”.
Lexical Resource: Band 8
Your essay demonstrates a high level of lexical resource with precise and relevant vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase “widespread availability” shows an understanding of common collocations, enhancing the clarity of the argument. The term “misleading” effectively conveys the deceptive nature of marketing campaigns targeted at young people. Finally, the phrase “corporate responsibility” is contextually appropriate and demonstrates a precise understanding of the broader societal implications of marketing and consumption trends.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
Your essay shows a good range of complex sentence structures with accurate use of grammar and punctuation throughout. Only minor errors are present, which do not affect the clarity of the essay.
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